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The results of Fall Break October 15, 2008

Posted by Jesse in The Journal.
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Well, Fall Break has ended. I’m here starting up my classes again thinking, “Where has the time gone?” Already I’m falling into the trap of skipping out on work, taking those extra naps, and chowing down on cookies. Some turn around right? I thought I was going to get some work, but that didn’t happen. And I thought I could focus more on my prayer time, but that didn’t happen. Instead I fell into a deep, deep, deep pit of sin.

I thought earlier last week that I could implement some things to kind of do a pick me up or rather, focus on the upward. Didn’t do that. I guess one thing I did was I did begin exercising, I’m thinking this will help me with my energy and to maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, I ate like a pig. In all honesty, I am dramatizing these effects, but there is still some truth to them.There are simply things that I could have done to change, but I didn’t do them. What’s going on here?

How come I didn’t do things to change? I knew what they were and how to do it, but why didn’t I allow it? Since when did I become so pessimistic?

It’s a paradox really. I mean, I believe and am convinced with all my heart that the Holy Spirit is within me, that God has saved me because of His grace and for His glory. But there’s no change now, what happened to growth? And I’m not blaming God at all, I blame myself. I hear the Word but I do not listen. I read the Word but I do not understand it. I know what it says, but I just don’t apply it. I’ve put God in chains within my heart. A little poetic if you will, but still, you get the idea.

So what have I done wrong? Am I lazy? Are we lazy if you suffer from the same problem? What can I do?